I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
