they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
