I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
