Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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