My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
