Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
