i think i have herpe
just one?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
