Swine flu. Run for my life!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
