After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
