I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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