so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
