at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
