It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
