I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
