you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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