It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
