I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
