The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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