If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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