Are we in a gay sports bar?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
