doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
