Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
