I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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