I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
