Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
