you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize