Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
