omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
