I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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