Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
