Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize