Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
