some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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