I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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