I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
