We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
