Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
