You're completely useless in the revolution.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
