You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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