I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
