im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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