You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
