Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
