Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry about my life...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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