I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
