I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
