I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
