Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize