Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
