The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
