Tell her she can't have a vagina
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm at about main and main street
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
