His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize