Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
