so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
