I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize