I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
