Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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