My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
