If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize