just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
