please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
