Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
as a side note pls kill me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
