went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
