She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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