Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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