my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
