Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
