the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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