You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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