You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
