I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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