do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
