you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my liver is dry heaving
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
