what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
