What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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