i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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