I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
