put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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