Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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