Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Houston, we have a squirter
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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