Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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