I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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