a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
