im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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