ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize