my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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