real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
