Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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