he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
